Miley Cyrus

I understand that there is a lot of hate for Miley and a lot of love for her. Some people support her and others think she is crazy and she should be locked up. I don’t want to insult either opinion so read this knowing that this is just me and I respect other opinions. If you have another opinion please leave it in the comments! Also I want to give a big shoutout to all my slightly existent readers! Today I have exactly 326 views in all!

Anyways back to Miley.

I watched her as Hannah Montana and I watched her “Can’t be tamed” video and from there I knew she was growing up a big but I never realized she would change this much. The moment she cut her hair I started forming an opinion.

My opinion is [Drum roll please] I pity her. And not like someone would pity a little kid. I think disney channel changed and caged her and I think that was a stupid idea. I think this is her way of saying that she is her own person and no one can change her and while she really focused on that I think she also made amazing music on the way. Although I don’t like her lyrics I think that the melodies are amazing and original this is a a cappella video I found that I really like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mjvfnUAfyo I think it demonstrates how even though she went through something hard she could still make music. She is obviously really talented and she has an amazing vocal sound.

I think she is being made out to be a really bad person and that is shadowing her talent. I think people should accept her and stop judging.

This has been my opinion please tell me if you disagree I love hearing your comments!

~no name listed

Books

Recently I have been discovering these lovely things called books. It not like before I didn’t read its just that I didn’t read often. So when I went online with a library card and started ordering books I had wanted to read since the dawn of time [no pun intended #readimpossible] I didn’t realize it would take about two days for them to get to the library and all of a sudden my mom comes home with a giant stack. SO I have been pushing my way through all the books and I have found some that I really like. SO for some strange reason I am here to blog to my dear nonexistent readers about books that I now like!

1. Love, Rosie:

A couple of weeks ago it was made into a movie starring Lilly Collins and Sam Claflin but I haven’t seen that. The point is that I just started reading the book today and I found it very captivating! Its a compilation of letters and chats and notes that where write of the corse of these two friends lives mostly between them and some between one of them and other people. In the book you get to see them grow up and get into collage and normal[ish] growing up stuff. I really liked the book because it was a real page turner and the author really brought you into another world full of fun, romance, and insanity!

2. Impossible:

I know I mentioned it before in this post but thats because it captivated me so much. Its about a girl who lives with these foster parents and knows her birth mom is a lunatic. But the reason I loved this book was because an essential part of the plot was a folk song called “Scarborough fair”. I really loved that aspect because I had never seen a book that did that so well. I also really liked how it was magical and romantic at the same time as being scary and a pinch horrific at times. This was an amazing book!

3. [Last but not least] Everybody sees the ants:

I really loved this book, there were great characters, a funny plot, and relatable situations. Not I am not saying that I am a teenage boy who was bullied and sent to live with his crazy drug addict of an aunt and uncle who had slept with half the town, I am also not saying that I met a beautiful girl and went on crazy adventures with her friends, I am also not saying that I have dreams every night about my grandfather who was stranded in a war zone and is M.I.A., in fact non of this is relatable at all to me. But even throughout all of that our main character still had a really relatable sound/train of thought.

So those are my book recommendations so if any of my newly found slightly existing readers would like more please comment and ask for more because although I am a slow reader I can try to find some more. :]

~no name listed

Waiting and welcome.

Whenever anyone tells me patience is a virtue I always tell me that its not one of mine, and today that is really being proved.

I feel better than yesterday but I have decided to do more blogging because I think it is really good for me. I am going to do a normal blog every Monday still but for now during the week I am going to use this blog for whining about my problems mostly because I really love writing and it seems to always make me feel better.

Anyways back to patience…

So since my stomach is hurting I asked my dad to buy me a soda but he has to do some cooking so in protest I am sitting on the kitchen floor watching my parents scrabble around getting ready for a meal of some sort and playing weird music. Its actually quite fun but in all I feel way better than I did yesterday so for me this is a great experience. But its true I do have issues with patience, and its defiantly something I want to work on. But for me I think that patience and attention are both very connected. I mean I have A.D.D. so that makes attention really hard so maybe thats part of the patience thing but I think patience is a really important character trait so this is a kind of a promise to myself to work on my patience.

But I feel like no matter how much I work on patience its always going to be a work in progress like my singing voice or writing, specking of…..

I want to take some time to say welcome to my new followers! Wow, I officially have readers [don’t be offended when in my posts I pretend you don’t exist, it makes me feel more comfortable.] I never thought a day would come where there would be someone other than my best friend reading this! Anyways feel free to comment and give your opinion and don’t worry about being offensive, but keep in mind that I like constructive criticism so please be respectful to the safe space I have made for myself. Now to explain what this blog is: I am a teenager who loves life to the fullest and has a lot of insight. I am very opinionated and I love to write even if I make a lot of mistakes [I think that making mistakes is better than not trying so here I am, feel free to spell check in your head.]. Anyhow I hope you keep reading my blog and loving it!

So this blog is kind of about how I am planning to try to blog more and a welcome to the new peoples of this blog. Feel free to read past posts but keep in mind I am changing so my writing might be really bad from the beginning of when I started blogging about two months ago.

happy late thanksgiving

~no name listed

lonely in a crowd and wanting to be with myself

Dear non-existant readers,

I know I usually post on Monday but I wanted to write something today because I am sure I have missed a day or two at some point.

I feel lonely and its not like there isn’t anyone around me. I have my parents and my friend is sleeping over but for some reason I feel really alone. And its not because I am just typing and keeping to myself. I have had a bad couple of days and I have covered it up a lot but I really am having a hard time. I mean I have confusing feelings and I am really tired and I haven’t worked out in like a week. I just feel so out of place in my own skin right now and its really aggravating. I just don’t feel like I can communicate with anyone, people keep talking to me and I keep thinking how stupid it sounds from the outside. I mean I just wish people would understand me, but they don’t. People keep doing stupid things and it pisses me off. I feel like no one understands me and I know I shouldn’t do this but its just driving me crazy.

In genoral I am not an ignorant person but I just don’t know what to do, I wish I could get out of this.

Is it like I need more time to myself or do I need to hang out with people and that will get me out of it?

I find myself thinking mean things about people I know I care about and everything everyone does drives me crazy. I honestly don’t know what to do.

So this blog post is really just about me being childish and whining about my problems. I just kind of want to settle into a movie but I feel like I should go talk to my family and stuff. Its just I keep pretending Im fine but its just not real.

The sad thing is when people ask me if I am okay I think okay is not cutting and not okay is ready to hurt myself, I know that should not be the standards but I can’t help it. I feel fine in terms of being happy but people keep trying to put me back into the place of being really sad. And Im not saying Im not sad, I just lost three friends/let go of three friends and I have this whole ego problem but I wish people wouldn’t keep asking if I want to kill myself because I don’t. I want to go cry and watch movies for a day, but for some reason no one will let me have the time to get over some hard shit. [Sorry, nonexistent readers, about swearing I don’t normally.] Anyways I just feel like I need time and no one seems to want to give it to me. Now texting is fine but people keep telling me to wake up and go do things for them and people keep asking to spend time with me when really I just want to be by myself but I just pretend I don’t mind and keep going and I don’t want to push anyone out and loose them but I feel so lonely in a crowd and I just want to go into a corner with myself to recover. Everything has been so hard and at this point sitting at my desk and typing with earbuds in my ears and not being disturbed is an exciting thing.

I guess in some ways I don’t know what I need but I know what I want and I am not allowing me to have what I want in case its not what I need. I wish non of this had happened, I wish I could still be a happy person. I wish I had non of this to worry about. I wish I could tell people how I feel, its thanksgiving and all I would be thankful for is some time to myself yet parents get in the way and obligation gets in the way. I feel bad about saying all of this but if I am too cowardly to say anything to the people I care about’f faces then I may as well admit it to the internet where any of them could see this post. Because I feel bad but deep down I know I don’t and I know this is just me being abnegation and nice [note my awesome vocab]

Anyways at this point I feel like the people around me deserve better but in the long run if they really care about me they should understand that I am having a really hard time and I am dealing with some things and even if I don’t need space I want space and really, is that so much to ask for? It never has been before, I used to be allowed to have all the space I wanted to have. Is this just a growing up thing? You have to deal with having a hard time and having no space to process it? I mean its not like anyone died or I was raped but its still hard and if its hard to me them docent that count as something I need time for? I mean people always tell me I shouldn’t compare myself to others so should I compare my grief to other’s grief? That docent sound right. I want my space and my bed and I don’t know how to ask for it so I sit at my desk and type on a warn out keyboard knowing that as soon as I finished this blog post in about 50 words I will decide to retreat to the couch and sleep there or watch a movie there. It seems mean to me but what else can I do? I ask myself this all the time, what else can I do, but right now I don’t want to do anything.

Is that okay?

~no name listed

Food.

There are so many ways to approach this topic. God knows I have had some weeks where I decide pizza and jelly beans are the way to go. I also have times where I don’t want to eat at all.
Since I’m a teenagers Im going to have issues with food. There are some days when no matter how much I eat I never feel full [I call these empty days- if you got the reference yay you.] and there are some days when I can’t eat as much as a peanut. And everyone is different, for me when I am having an empty day the best thing for me to do is go on a jog and have some salad and orange juice when I get home. But then there are the days when all I want to do is bum out on the couch and watch doctor who or tobuscus [A youtube gamer- his best work in my opinion is on the game, happy wheels.] And on those days I go into the freezer and eat as much microwave pizza as humanly possible, knowing how terrible I’m going to feel after. And its okay to have those days sometimes, but not always.

Balance, balance is the key to all of these problems.

So in this blog post I am going to go over how I find the balance to eating well.

For me I get hungry in the morning and right before I go to bed so I eat a big breakfast and save dinner until 10:00 or so in-between I eat small snacks and at lunch I eat half a peanut butter sandwich. You see, if you eat the foods your body needs then it can keep going for longer. For instance if I eat a cookie I can wait about 5 minutes until I am hungry again but if I eat A piece of whole wheat bread with olive oil and spices I can go for two hours at least.

Here is a list of good food I like to eat during the day:

lasts me two hours:

Whole wheat bread

Olive oil

Garlic powder

Tomato [cooked in pan]

Zatar- a spice

Lasts me one hour:

Apple and Peanut butter

Two hours:

Tuna fish

Mayonaise

Green apple- diced [cut into small squares]

one- two hours:

in a bowl: avocato, garlic powder, salt, and peper – mixed until creamy

spread over a cracker [I prefer the Mary’s gone crackers brand]

One hour:

Banana

melted chocolate

[Frozen]

So thats it, I hope you try these things.

Although I lost weight doing this not everybody will. Everyone needs to find their own balance, and even when eating healthy people also need to exercise even if its just jumping jacks on your way to school or work.

Here are my tips:

1. Only eat when your hungry.

2. Only eat healthy food.

3. If your still hungry, make more!

4. And always wait to do major activities after eating.

I hope you enjoyed this, as always leave comments or tweet to me: @mentalwalflowe

~no name listed

Mirrors

“My mirror staring back at me.”

-Justin Timberlake

Though I am not a big fan of JT whenever I hear this song I think about the meaning of that one lyric, and for some reason it really captivates me. I mean what does that even mean?

When I look in the mirror I see someone I don’t want to see, a little over weight gangly arms fluffy hair ugly eyes, we all have things that we don’t like. But have you ever looked in one mirror and seen one thing and then looked in another and seen something else? My bathroom mirror plays tricks and so do car windows, I like what I see in the Starbucks mirror but I look ugly in my hand mirror. We all know tricks on social media [Duck face and such.] but what about in real life? I mean I know how to make my eyes look bigger and I know how to eat well and exercise but there are somethings that just can’t be changed. And while I really want to say that I like how I look, I really don’t. The thing is I don’t feel comfortable going out of the house without make up. And if I wear a shirt that even shows a little of my stomach’s outline I need to change it unless I worked out a lot the night before. And thats just how it is, people can tell me that I look fine all they like but no one can stop me from feeling un-pretty. [For those of you who understood that reference I applaud you.]

So you may be asking yourself what the point of this blog post is. Well I have learned a couple of things when in the process of learning how to feel nice about myself and I just figured I would list them and then maybe later I will have a point to all this nonsense.

1. Taking a jog to start off my morning

2. Looking in one of the mirrors that make me look pretty

3. putting on chapstick- it makes me feel more fresh

3. Washing my face and brushing my hair

4. Putting on a nice shirt and pants

5. And last but not least doing push ups and sit ups at night right after brushing teeth.

I like to maintain this routine and when things get in the way of it, that kinda puts me off for a bit.

I try to do this even on sleepover nights and mornings but it really makes a difference.

Now I want to get to something else that is on my mind.

Perspective:

Has your parent ever compliment you? Yes [If the answer is no contact me on twitter and I can support you.]

And when they did did you tell them they had to say that because they are your parent? Yes

When I talk about different mirrors and seeing different things I think about different people seeing different things. Now I have had people tell me sickly that I look nice and others politely cough when I asked if I looked okay- or not politely- Moving right along I think that everyone sees something different when they look at you. So since my parents love me so much and they know me so well I think they see something different than other people. Meaning as relationships grow people see a different person. I know I have done this. Its like when you read a book and the author does not describe a character and then you just start imagining this beautiful person even though in reality they aren’t. I think its all about personality.

So when you started reading this you probably thought I was going to say how people are beautiful but instead I am going to take my own spin on things.

I am here to have the nerve to say that if you don’t act beautiful you aren’t going to be beautiful on the outside. So if you act crappy to other people your gonna look like crap. You know how Shai Woodly wears no makeup? Well notice how beautiful she is, thats because she is [probably- you never know until you meet her] a good person! So while on the one hand I understand trying to look good on the outside don’t let it tear up your insides. Smiles are the most attractive curves and if you got them then nothing else matters. So while I am not going to say your beautiful no matter what I am going to say if you act beautiful you are beautiful. You don’t have to wear shorts, in fact the only time I was called sexy sincerely was when I was in a l was in a skirt that reached the floor with a button up shirt that buttoned up to the top of my neck.

My assignment to my dear nonexistent readers is to look up “glee-your never fully dressed without a smile” on Youtube. Its a really great song and has to do with smiling. So remember when you look in the mirror if you act beautiful you are beautiful!

Sorry its been a while since I have posted and sorry because this is unedited and I haven’t really gonna over it but these are my thoughts and I think that they are completely relevant.

So thank you for reading if you even read this at all and I hope you have an amazing day!

Also please comment if there is anything you want me to talk about and I will do my best. Also remember you can always talk to me! from needing advice to a movie recommendation, I have it all.

I hope you really enjoyed this post!

Sincerely

~no name listed

Ps. If you don’t understand any of the references made in this post I encourage you to look it up! Especially the song by Justin Timberlake although he has better songs- Cry me a river- and such.

Homeschool

Exposition:

So, for two years of my life I homeschooled and then I went to my current school. But now in this school Im not doing well. I don’t get enough sleep, some of my classes are too hard and some are too easy and either way Im bored. I have tried finding it but I am realizing that the only reason I like this school is because of my amazing friends. And I am realizing I can always have my friends, but my education thats not something I can have with my friends ad although I love seeing them all day everyday its not going to work for me in the long term.

Rising action:

So…. I wrote that last week when things were still in progress and no one knew what was going on. Right now I am doing a program in which I do most of my classes independently at home and I take 3 classes in real school. And this is working really well! My happiness meter went up about a thousand percent, which was much needed and I get my work done quicker so I can have more me time. This schedule is working super duper well! But the problem is that my school is doing me a giant favor and they are saying this is only for two weeks and then they want us to reconsider. And I understand the importance of that but I really can’t go back so for this blog post I am just going to lay out all my feelings.

 

Climax:

[Ok I am so done with this crappy plot metaphor]

Anyways…..

One of the heads of school had a meeting with me today about what was working well and what wasn’t and during it she made very clear that she wanted this whole thing to be for only a little while. But what I didn’t have the sass to say was that I can’t work in that environment and I don’t want to go back. Now dear, nonexistent reader I want you to know this is not your fault! When I say environment I mean teacher, decorations, room in general, ambiance and yes the students but I DONT BLAME YOU!!!!!

Sorry, I want you to know that. I don’t need you to try to stop talking because its not only the talking its your existence! You are so much more interesting than the teacher and so I natural pay more attention to you, even if you never talked or moved, but keep on breathing, breathing is generally encouraged, don’t try not moving completely or at all. Im just making it clear that its not your fault. God, I gotta make this thing private so I don’t have to worry about offending people. Sorry was that out-loud? Anyways…..

The point is that its not working for numerous reasons [not just students. Don’t feel bad] and they continue to want me to come back full time and while I am willing to trade one of my classes in for another one I really can’t come back if I want to be able to learn- and most importantly- be happy.

Im not saying that students are making me unhappy, students are the only reason Im happy and when we “lost” one it kinda made me not have the motivation to get out of bed and go through a terrible day of school. I mean Im not blaming anyone, its just when that person was here there was this other reason to go to school. She was kind of pushing the limit for me to be able to stand the horrors and terror this society calls learning. And while I love and I mean LOVE my other friends she was like that extra push that I needed and now its gone. And its helped me see that I was being dragged down by normal school when I could be succeeding in an abnormal environment. I love my friends and as far as I know I still have them [please don’t leave me!!] but no matter how much I love them, they aren’t my friend who moved. Anyways this was completely irrelevant but I like typing and blogging and for some reason it works better in terms of getting my feelings out. That and songwriting. Anyways……

After that lovely tangent….

Hi, bye.

This is the end of this blog post and while I know that leaving my old environment is hard, its worth it. Hopefully I will be bale to keep my friends and get a better education. And to be honest, shouldn’t learning be just that? Making sure you get the best of both worlds and not having to sacrifice things that matter?

~no name listed.

ps. In this post I really hope I didn’t hurt anyone. If you feel hurt tell me and I will tell you your wrong. I love you all you aren’t pulling me down your the only reason I am rising back up from the cruel world of mainstream schooling.